What do you do when you’re depressed? Most of us busied ourselves so we can bury and set aside those thoughts. Some of us cook, some play video games, some stay connected to the internet for hours, some read a book or a magazine, some goes to the mall and stroll all day, some eat to feel good, some watch television. But it’s different for me. I clean. Maybe my room, the restroom, the shower… I will clean, I will clean till I fill tired and my muscles get numb so right after that I will fall deeply into sleep.
I remember a character in desperate housewives, Mrs. Vandercamp (tama ba?), the uberly obsessive compulsive widow of a doctor. She said she became like that when she saw her mom dead at their front road when she was young. To ease the pain she’s feeling, she cleaned the blood on the road where the dead body of her mother was found. Since then, she became fanatic of cleaning pristinely and cleaning spotless.
I’m not like that btw, well in a little way I can relate. To be honest, I can’t breathe when it’s dirty; I make limited movements and feel uncomfortable. I’m not saying my room is spotless but a little organization will do. I can’t review with scattered papers on my desk or unfold clothes on my cabinet.
I was thinking of a good reason why am I sometimes like this. One time I asked a friend whose a psychologist graduate, if how can she say a person is Obsessive Compulsive? Are there any categories of such? Is this an abnormality or a coping mechanism I make? Do I need to see a psychiatrist?
Here are some unusual things I do…
- Everytime I get out of my dorm, I check the plugs and switches. When I reach the last landing, I will go back and recheck them.
- I sewn lose buttons, cut lose threads and clean some stains on my shirt
- I do my own laundry cause I think I will do a better job than the Laundromat
- My books are arranged by volume or author
- I used to arrange and hang my clothes by color
- My cd’s and dvd’s are alphabetically arrange
But when you see me, I’m not that super neat looking or I’m not that OC looking.
Yesterday, I wasn’t able to post because I cleaned my room and the restroom here upstairs. Yes, I have to be honest I’m a little bit sad. It’s because, it’s a first for me, going through this situation and I don’t want my family to think I’m weak to handle this and think this is bothering me.
Yet this scapegoat is getting old and I’m getting obvious, my brother asked me last night, if something’s wrong. I just nod and continued reading a book. I just hope I’ll get trough this one and be able to say…. yes, I’m ok.