Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Sunset


As days passed by, it felt like more emptier. I don’t know what’s the reason, but I have a hunch. As you all now by now, I failed some subjects last semester. I have this feeling that some people talks behind my back. I don’t really give a damn. But, I am ashamed of it. That I am ashamed for myself that I did not do well. I am ashamed that I wasted money for my tuition fee. I am ashamed of the time that I took for granted. I am ashamed that I now lost some great company.

My type is now termed as “International” (parang artist! hehe). I took some advance subjects for the second semester and sadly I have to take them in different sections with the “regulars”. You know the feeling when people look at you when you enter their class? I felt that twice last week and who knows how many this week. They have the look that says “what u doin here?, you don’t belong here!”. We can neglect that situation but still when I come home and do some reflection, I ask myself why?

At least, I was expecting that I’ll be with my friends, who were irregulars since last year. I was really looking forward for that. They have this noncompetitive attitude and I just feel so at home with them. They will never make you feel you’re left out. They are still like that, but they have new other companies as well. They changed a bit and I really find it hard to ride on their daily splurging. I used to be like that and I know I splurge but that happens once a month or once in every two months. And the ones I was with last semester, I know they’re very busy now, I can’t even asked them to take lunch with me nor asked them how are they doing?

Now I bury myself in my books and in my laptop. Maybe the reason I entered the blogging world is finding that place where I can say what I want and express myself. A place where I can meet people who’re physically absent but will make me feel that I belong. A place where I don’t feel empty and do not feel ashamed when I enter.

As I finish this entry I realized that, I have to move forward now. I have to step on that failure and use it to view my horizon and not to put in my head. I need to accept that some things had changed and to accept that I change as well. I must not care to what others, especially those who have no role in my life, on what the hell will they say. I have to be thankful to the new found friends here in the bloggsphere for bearing with my dramatic entries. Seryoso, Salamat mga pareko!

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sino mga yan ha? Ssapakin ko. Hehe. Don't mind them. People suck. That's just how they are. Haha. Cynic no?

Just keep on truckin'. (And blogging helps din pala. Just vent.) =p

-- Thea =)

Fer Bert said...

alam ko ang nararamdaman.. ganyan din nararamdaman ko when i failed my major subject last year at kaya din ako nagsimulang magblog kase naghahanap ako ng lugar kung san ko mailalabas yung mga nararamdaman ko... hay... enjoy na lang naten ang buhay! APIR!

aCey said...

oh my... and i'm complaining that i'm not going to be a candidate for honors! don't worry, bro. what i learned is that our grades don't stop us from being good at many other things. and that it won't stop us from becoming what we want to be. :) kaya nating to!

my-so-called-Quest said...

@miss thea? r u the one? hmmmmm??? hehe. i hope so. ;)

A pareng ferbert - yup. enjoy lang. iniisip ko nalang. it's for the best. nakakhiya sa pasyente ko na la ko masyado alam pero pumasa ko dba? hehe. apir!

@acey - saludo ko sa mga honor student. i was once like you. sana may grade din sa attitude at passion for the profession. hehe

Anonymous said...

Hoy! Guess who...hehehe

ako nga. =p ayoko kasi mag aral for CPC patho (delaying tactic) hahaha

Aleli said...

naku naman,mejo nalungkot ako sa nabsa ko..pero ang galing, atleast meron kang outlet.and nailalabas mo rants mo through writings. Nung mejo bata pa ako - madalas din na blogging ang outlet ko.displacement ba..weheh..

pero lam mo, naiintindhan kta.. marami tayong regrets sa life. and hindi natin alam kung bakit natin nagawa un or failed to do so..waaahhh!!! ayaw ko na maalala ang lahat..

ang pinakamasakit dito sa post mo ung mga taong parang judgmental.. simula pagkabata ko - parang lahat ng nakapalibot sakin ganyan, except my family xempre.

pero you know what, you don't have to prove anything to them. it's your life..and who cares if you flanked or awarded.. it doesn't really matter. What matters is you learn from it, you are happy, and you became a better person.

my-so-called-Quest said...

@msthea - salamat sa pagdaan. thanks ulit. hehe

@ms - aleli, minsan namamali ko spelling ng name mo. hehe. thanks po sa pagdaan. may mga tao talaga na di mo ba alam kung panu pinalaki, nangmamata kala mo naman sino. hehe. tawanan na lang natin sila kasi pangit sila. tayo, ooozing with appeal. hehe ingats!