Tuesday, November 13, 2007
As days passed by, it felt like more emptier. I don’t know what’s the reason, but I have a hunch. As you all now by now, I failed some subjects last semester. I have this feeling that some people talks behind my back. I don’t really give a damn. But, I am ashamed of it. That I am ashamed for myself that I did not do well. I am ashamed that I wasted money for my tuition fee. I am ashamed of the time that I took for granted. I am ashamed that I now lost some great company.
My type is now termed as “International” (parang artist! hehe). I took some advance subjects for the second semester and sadly I have to take them in different sections with the “regulars”. You know the feeling when people look at you when you enter their class? I felt that twice last week and who knows how many this week. They have the look that says “what u doin here?, you don’t belong here!”. We can neglect that situation but still when I come home and do some reflection, I ask myself why?
At least, I was expecting that I’ll be with my friends, who were irregulars since last year. I was really looking forward for that. They have this noncompetitive attitude and I just feel so at home with them. They will never make you feel you’re left out. They are still like that, but they have new other companies as well. They changed a bit and I really find it hard to ride on their daily splurging. I used to be like that and I know I splurge but that happens once a month or once in every two months. And the ones I was with last semester, I know they’re very busy now, I can’t even asked them to take lunch with me nor asked them how are they doing?
Now I bury myself in my books and in my laptop. Maybe the reason I entered the blogging world is finding that place where I can say what I want and express myself. A place where I can meet people who’re physically absent but will make me feel that I belong. A place where I don’t feel empty and do not feel ashamed when I enter.
As I finish this entry I realized that, I have to move forward now. I have to step on that failure and use it to view my horizon and not to put in my head. I need to accept that some things had changed and to accept that I change as well. I must not care to what others, especially those who have no role in my life, on what the hell will they say. I have to be thankful to the new found friends here in the bloggsphere for bearing with my dramatic entries. Seryoso, Salamat mga pareko!