Saturday, May 14, 2011

The Untold Story

It was one of those ordinary lunch break, I was sitting on a bench under the Talisay tree near my class room. I just ate my baon then, a sandwich and juice which I prepared earlier before going to my 7am class. I was a newcomer then from an Elementary Public School, wearing a pair of tattered shoes and a hand-hand-me-down uniform from one of my siblings who earlier attended the same Private Catholic School. I made a few friends then but none of them stayed for lunch. Then there was this group of sophomore boys who walks closer to my spot. One of them asked me why don’t I have any company. That’s all I could remember but there were series of laughter and snickering after that. I can’t recall much but that time I wished I was out of that situation. I prayed that it would stop. I wished, I have a company that time. I wished I didn’t attend that day’s class and just stayed at home. I have to control my tears then cause I know it will show the sign that I am weak. The bell rang and I knew it will not stop there.

…………………………………….

I was sweating much at that time. Still in first year, I was panicking that I can’t find my school ID. I traced every steps I made and rooms that I visited. The Library, The Cafeteria, our classroom, Computer Lab, everything. The last place I haven’t checked yet was the boy’s restroom near the Principal’s office. I have a strong feeling it could be there. I was correct. I saw my ID floating in one of the toilet bowl. I have an idea who did that but my instinct of not telling it to anyone not even the principal prevailed since it was my responsibility why I lost it. As an instinct of a public school kid, I grabbed the nearest stick, and tried to pick up the ID, I don’t know if I’ll be happy and thank that the last person who used the cubicle, since he flushed the toilet. I washed my id and my hands while I cried.

……………………………………

The torture ended up when I got in 2nd year High School. There were still few things I can’t forget, and the humiliation didn’t stop there. One of my classmates laughed at me and I’m still wondering now if I ever said something stupid when she asked me where I live.

It was a wash day that day, the time where the cool kids were able to brag their new clothes. I on the other hand was wearing something borrowed from my older sibs. I don’t mind to be honest. But one classmate looked at me from head to toe and asked me what was I wearing. I couldn’t answer her and she said, “for sure sa palengke mo yan nabili”. I just smiled.

………………………………………

I was trying to console two friends who went through a fight then. You know high school is full of click drama. It was actually a big fight from the two of them. But since they were two of my closest friends, I tried so hard not to pick a side. One of them blurted, “Why are you taking her side? Did you know how mean she is? She made a list of all boys in the class room. From the ugliest to the cutest, you ranked 2nd.” To be honest, it’ll be funny if it came from someone else. But that coming from someone you considered a friend for four years. I just hope it was said to me by my face. I know how I look like and it wouldn’t be that of a big deal.

………………………………………

I wrote this not because I want you to pity me. And not because i dwell so much in the past. High School ended 10 years ago, seriously, I can now laugh with some of the things that happened before. But it’s true what they say, “Who are we then, greatly affects who are we now.” Self-esteemed shattered, maybe that's why, sometimes i'm greatly affected of what others will say about me. Also I’m tired of being ganged up, laughed at and hearing things. Some people will claim they know you, but the truth is they don’t. You may know few things but you don’t know what I’ve been through.

What happened to me gave me a soft spot to those who are constantly being bullied and ganged up. Now, I'm not washing my hands here cause i know there were instances i bullied someone but at least i know my limits and we'll laughed about it in the end.

I’m tired of fitting in, asking myself where I belong. I’m tired of pleasing everyone. And I’m tired of people making claims about this and that. That's why we don't make assumptions of someone based on just what you heard or read. Maybe that’s why I have few close friends and I prefer having few than a bunch of negative people. I believe some of us never really got out of high school. It's either we honed that good attitude or make those ugly things as our inspiration to move forward. The difference now is, even when I'm alone, I’m much more confident, much smarter and more stronger.

35 comments:

Désolé Boy said...

Let me repeat this once and for all:

"In behalf of all the high school bullies, I sincerely apologise and crave for your forgiveness."
.
.
Why should we try fitting in if we're born to stand out!

wv: gones = in Tagalog, wala na. in Gay Lingo, waley. my own interpretation, move on na!

chingoy, the great chef wannabe said...

I'm happy I didn't experience any of these in HS. I would have fought back, may not be physical, but I would have gotten even...

my-so-called-Quest said...

@DB - lol, don't apologize. definitely moved forward na. and true we're all a stand out. :)

@Chingoy - you're new here right? salamat sa pagdaan. i wanted to get even but what would i get if i did? :D i just let things as it is, and the great thing about it is that i'm doing great now. :)

Mugen said...

Now I understand why. :) Cheers Doc! Whatever is in your past, will never happen again.

my-so-called-Quest said...

salamat mugen :D cheers!

Kane said...

I guess it is true. Some things... We never forget. I think that by writing about it, it helps us make better sense of what had happened to us and what we want it to mean. .

I think this is the first story of yours that i will not forget:)

Kane

my-so-called-Quest said...

@kane - salamat, it's been a long time since you dropped here. so kamusta ka naman dyan?

i wrote this because i have a feeling that after a very long time i need to let it out. and say tapos na and i'm doing great..

sugar said...

nakaka-relate ako ng bongga.
i had my share of humiliation way back.. :(

and it's true, “Who are we then greatly affects who are we now.”

pero keber sa kanila...sabi ko nga sau nung isang araw..MAMATAY SILA sa INGGIT. :P

lablablab! :)

Luis said...

Nice post doc ced.. Ü

my-so-called-Quest said...

@sugar - Hugs T! :D tapos na yun but my point is, there's still a crack. good thing i have friends like you and kuya mak to fill it up.

@luis - kamusta ka na? seriously, you're one of my faithful readers. you never failed to visit here. thank you so much! i hope you're doing well :D

daniel said...

I really can relate to this post Doc.

I didn't know that u have the same experience.

Godbless, Papi. : )
Nice to have you back.

Luis said...

uu naman.. loyalist mo ko eh.. :) I'm doing good.. saka pala bati na daw kami ni db.. ikaw na daw aawayin namin.. hehehehe:)

take care doc ced..

your future patient,

Luis..

my-so-called-Quest said...

@daniel - awwww, hope you're doing well na rin. :D salamat sa pagwelcome back D. :D

@luis - may alyansa kayong ganyan? hahaha. take care din. medyo mahina ang creative juice kaya madalang magsulat. yaan mo babawi ako sayo. salamat ulit. :D

kalansaycollector said...

hay bullies. kinda thankful at di ako masyadong nabully noon. well siguro dahil kinakaibigan ko yung mga bullies. lol

and the saddest part is actually sa relatives ako nakatikim ng pambubully hindi sa school.

my-so-called-Quest said...

@kalansay - hehehe, friendly ka pala pati sa bullies. mas grabe naman yung sa relatives :( hope you're okay.

Leo said...

i was bullied and i bullied someone too... :) but yeah, 'twas part of the past and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and pogi. aminin mo yan... haha

my-so-called-Quest said...

@leo - tama, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. i like that. :D
at hindi po pogi. average lang :)

Nimmy said...

Resbakan na! Chos! Malaki na katawan mo ngayon kaya wala ng mangbubully sa'yo. Hehe

Jag said...

It's okay *tapping your shoulder*...

my-so-called-Quest said...

@nimmy - hahaha. resbakan na talaga? samahan mo ko? hehehe

@jag - thank you. hehe

orally said...

Yesterday a victim, today an oppressor. Cheeeeeka lang doc.

Welcome back. Na-miss kita.

my-so-called-Quest said...

@O - miss you too. musta na ba? hehehe. wag naman ganun. oppressor talaga e? hehehe. humble pa rin naman. :)

gillboard said...

you're a doctor... sila? san na sila ngayon? :)

Guyrony said...

The best thing about all these is that you became a better person and stood up and dusted yourself off.

I am doing great. :) Thanks for asking.

KikomaxXx said...

buti nalang karamay ko lahat ng kakalsi ko nung high school... kaya walang bully samin...

Andy said...

hear hear. let's just say that these were the forks on your road. at least ngayon di ba nakakaangat ka na ng konti sa kanila :)

thewanderer said...

This is an issue america is serious in addressing right now. many schools shooting incidents were linked to the shooter being victims of bullying themselves when they were still in shcool. our government should also take action on this. teachers and school administrators should not invoke see, hear and speak no evil policy instead should be at the forefront protecting the welfare all children espcially the weak who are prone to be victimized by bullying. schools should impose stricter policies againts school bullying.

Sean said...

high school is now a vague memory for me. but if i look at the cast of characters around me now, it seems like i never left. welcome back doc!

my-so-called-Quest said...

@gibo - hmmmm hindi naman ganon iniisip ko. hehehe. though aaminin ko before may ganyan pero sa ngayon masasabi ko lang i'm in a good place. :)

@G - tama. took everything positively. para na kasi kitang kapatid sa blog. ahehe. feeling close lang. :)

my-so-called-Quest said...

@kiko - ikaw ata ang bully nun? joke lang. pero oks yan. lahat nakasundo mo. hehehe

@andy - salamat andy! nakakaangat? ahehehe. hindi naman yun ang gusto ko ipamukha sa kanila mas magandang pakinggan na oks ako ngayon after ng mga ngyari. :)

my-so-called-Quest said...

@thewanderer - that's true but it's kind of difficult to implement rules in our country, specially those in public schools. uhm i just hope that someday it will stop and no one will have the same experiences as me but that's next to impossible. if i could just tell them that it'll be okay. they will be okay. they will get out of there and have their chance.

@sean - yeah seems like we never really left highschool. meron pa ring mga kakaiba ang ugali ano? salamat sean! :)

Xprosaic said...

I had been bullied before but I fought back... Then no one done that to me again hehehehehhe

Itsyaboykorki said...

:(

my-so-called-Quest said...

@xprosaic - i could have done the same. pero mas oks na rin na hindi lumaban minsan. we pick oour fights ika nga. hehehe

@itsyaboykorki - :)

yeye said...

this is off topic.

i just missed here. hehehe. take care kuya doc :)