Sunday, February 19, 2012

2.19 Original Cynicisms

i told myself i won't talk about this anymore. but, probably we have our own ways of moving on.

it's been a year since it happened. but it feels like forever trying your best forgetting. it's true, we can forgive easily, but forgetting something is another story.

i used to think of the people that went through a bad breakup or had their hearts broken. i used to think they're pathetic, going through that emo-ish, helpless, no-one-can-understand me phase. until, you got through the same situation, i understood immediately how they felt.

when you reach a certain age, there comes a time you feel alone. yes, you have your set of friends but what i've been telling my friends is that you yearn for that someone who will be there, ready to listen to your stories even how clumsy and awful they were, that someone who will make you feel that  it's the best story they ever heard. someone who will make you feel important, special, loved and respected.

as year passed, still there are things i'm still trying to learn and live with. like learning how to say "No" cause being too nice is not that okay. learning that you won't find love in a snap and rush things and that it won't help you forget. that some people might take advantage of you, that might misinterpret your act of kindness. also, that i'm capable of hurting others as well, that i won't do the same thing that was done to me. and that trust cannot be easily given. lastly, going through depression is not a funny thing. still learning not to overthink.

despite of it, i learned to love and take care of myself. i concentrate so far with my work, and continue loving my profession. channeling my energy to what is opted and expected of me to do. it helps. it helps, to at least forget. maybe that's why i am not ready to commit to anyone right now. i need time.  and it made me a tad bit cynical and afraid to go through the same phase again. i learned that i can find happiness with work. thankful of my supportive friends and of my loving family. i learned that i can be happy again.

i'm still learning.

i'm still hoping.

and i'm still trying to forget.

but i know,  there will come a time, someone will kiss this cynicisms away

x's - i remember a year ago when a friend told me. "it's hard to stick to your decision of letting go and moving on, but remember to look back after a day or two how you managed to make it through. start thinking of what you sacrificed, you don't want to go back to square 1, and eventually you'll be okay"


the green breaker said...

We all go through this phase.. and it is not really easy. I hope you get over it in no time, doc. It's not really that nice to dwindle on negative things in the past.. Cheer up.

my-so-called-Quest said...

@greenbreaker - yes! i'm okay now sir. :) i'm done with that phase.

Anonymous said...

I too went through this a lot, i mean a lot....,
and I'm glad that I was able to move on but im still on the process of getting stronger....

it's great that we can still be happy out of all the pain :))

citybuoy said...

Some people relish their sadness but do nothing about it. It's great to read about your realizations. At least we know you've not been idle with them.

bien said...

Sing with me now
My, oh, my
Look at the boy too shy
He ain’t gonna kiss the girl

Makii said...

Ateng. Alam mo na. Yun na yun.

Leo said...

I remember that time when you said to me "depression will bring you no good." not the exact words though, however, during that time, I really can't control it. Overthinking consumed me. But looking back, experiencing the pain has its own merits. Right now, I can say that I'm just over it. I chose to be happy and look at the brighter side of things.

Doc, with the way you worded your support system - seems like you have overflowing gratitude, and with that, that's complete healing.

Guyrony said...

Ah, just remember that it's okay to be not okay.

But it's not okay to be too much not okay.



Anonymous said...

very well said :) -wawabwu