i told myself i won't talk about this anymore. but, probably we have our own ways of moving on.
it's been a year since it happened. but it feels like forever trying your best forgetting. it's true, we can forgive easily, but forgetting something is another story.
i used to think of the people that went through a bad breakup or had their hearts broken. i used to think they're pathetic, going through that emo-ish, helpless, no-one-can-understand me phase. until, you got through the same situation, i understood immediately how they felt.
when you reach a certain age, there comes a time you feel alone. yes, you have your set of friends but what i've been telling my friends is that you yearn for that someone who will be there, ready to listen to your stories even how clumsy and awful they were, that someone who will make you feel that it's the best story they ever heard. someone who will make you feel important, special, loved and respected.
as year passed, still there are things i'm still trying to learn and live with. like learning how to say "No" cause being too nice is not that okay. learning that you won't find love in a snap and rush things and that it won't help you forget. that some people might take advantage of you, that might misinterpret your act of kindness. also, that i'm capable of hurting others as well, that i won't do the same thing that was done to me. and that trust cannot be easily given. lastly, going through depression is not a funny thing. still learning not to overthink.
despite of it, i learned to love and take care of myself. i concentrate so far with my work, and continue loving my profession. channeling my energy to what is opted and expected of me to do. it helps. it helps, to at least forget. maybe that's why i am not ready to commit to anyone right now. i need time. and it made me a tad bit cynical and afraid to go through the same phase again. i learned that i can find happiness with work. thankful of my supportive friends and of my loving family. i learned that i can be happy again.
i'm still learning.
i'm still hoping.
and i'm still trying to forget.
but i know, there will come a time,
someone will kiss this cynicisms away
x's - i remember a year ago when a friend told me. "it's hard to stick to your decision of letting go and moving on, but remember to look back after a day or two how you managed to make it through. start thinking of what you sacrificed, you don't want to go back to square 1, and eventually you'll be okay"