Mix Emotions

I really can’t identify what I really feel right now. Sad, angry, sick/scared, happy and excited …

Let me tell you why...

Since yesterday I’m just sad. I’ve been wearing this plastic smile around campus up to my dorm. Some of my friends, the ones I’m with since first year are planning to transfer or in verge of leaving med school. One has to go as a consequence of his status in med school. This person who’s been a brother to me, whom I look up to and respect each other. His family is well-off but he chooses to live simply. He’s here for his family and his future. I just can’t believe that he’s not given a chance. I saw this person’s efforts to pass; I know he gave everything in terms of studying and staying up late just to study. He hasn’t told me what his plans are. And two other close friends are in the same situation where I was last semester. I just don’t know how to give them the right advice, they’re planning to transfer. As much as I want, I don’t want them to go… They were great companies; they are the ones who I want to be with when we receive that diploma and soon call ourselves physicians.

I’m angry cause I blame the recent scandal that happened here… The leakage… because of that, most of us have to suffer from it. I’m angry for the not so fair treatment they give to different batch, how they favor the ones who have control. I’m angry that we did everything, almost everything and it seems that it’s not enough. It felt like it was never enough. It makes me wanna give up…

Sick and scared literally. I have hyperacidity attacks and they occur often now. Kind of my fault, I enjoy so much iced tea, frapps and coffee based drinks and it’s summer. Last time I had a hyperacidic attack I salivate so much and I wanted to vomit. Scared that last time I was hospitalized I refused to have an endoscopy… I hope this is nothing… I hope everything will be well…

Despite of it all, I’m a little happy, because after 5 exhausting months and very much wearing exams, I’m coming and staying home for long. Happy that I will see parents, my bro’s and my dogs; happy that I have 2 precious months as a vacation… happy that I can rest and compensate the hours of sleep that I’m lacking. I’m happy that I have so many plans to do during this vacation; I hope I can accomplish them all. hehe

Excited that Cath’s birthday is fast approaching. (17 days to be exact!) One of the reasons why I make this post is to ask you guys what kind of surprise or gift that I will give. I have a plan already but I really need your great ideas. I’m sure you have lots of it. Please please please!!! I just want it to be simple, something sweet and between the two of us and something that she will never forget and will really like. Advance thank you all.=]