Friday, April 18, 2008

Twisted Thoughts of a Lost Boy

For the past few days I’ve been clearing my head of what happened to me. No matter what I do, negative thoughts keep on coming back to my head. Well, if your future is at stake why wouldn’t you? How insensitive and immature of you if you will not. I was thinking of having a vacation in Bicol with my friends or at least go somewhere else. But I’m feeling guilty of asking permission to my parents and I’m afraid, as always, they will not allow me to go.

I gave myself a deadline of what my plan will be. Will I move forward or will I step backward? Will I stay or should I go? If I make a decision, how will it affect me? How will it affect my family? My family’s been very wonderful to me. They told me they will support me no matter what. But still they want me to continue. That makes me feel guiltier.

I haven’t spoken to her either. I don’t know. I tried to contact her every miniscule amount of time I have. But I don’t get replies from her. I want to get mad since I’m going through a lot again, but I can’t. I really can’t. I want her to be part of my decision making. Her opinion really matters to me. But where is she? I hope what I’m thinking is not true. I need her now.

I’m here again at the bottom of the rollercoaster, I was once been here. But this time I wonder if I can move up. I wonder if this ride will move backward. I wonder if I can get out of this ride. I wonder if my time is up.

To my blogger friends, I want to thank you for being here with me. You were here when I needed to talk to someone and been here to listen. It wouldn’t be easier without you. So, thank you all.


Lawstude said...

First of all, I like the new look of your blog, although I must say that I don't like the sad look on the pic at the top left.

Cheer-up. You should be in a happy place. You are young, good-looking, a prospetive career, and a millenium of experiences ahead of you.

One more thing, if you feel down, just have the thought that you will have nowhere to go but up.

God Bless!!!

xienahgirl said...

im not her but i am a she

you can talk to me
about anything
i can be your person.


take ur time.. ur decisions will be erratic as it has just happened.

take ur time, then think again.

Dakilang Tambay said...

kilala ko siya mK..

basta dito lang kami kung kelangan mo ng kausap.

pag-uwi mo ng tanza, kakain tayo ng lugaw ha! :) ok?

i miss you mk! :) be strong. GODBLESS

cedeux said...

@kuya lawstude - wow thanks po ng marami. natuwa naman po ko sa sinabi mo. salamat po ng maraming marami=]

@xienah - sana magkita rin tayo. can you be that person? ahehehe

cedeux said...

@kuya kris - tnx po ng marami lagi ka nanjan. upto now clear pa utak ko. sarap pla ng feeling=]

@ mia - mk salamat ng marami. nagusap na kami. and happy na ko partly=]

Carl said...

doc, sobra kitang namiss... ang lungkot pala ng mga nakaraang araw mo. i deeply feel sorry about the things that had happened. maybe they happened for a reason.

dad died. walang paalam. sa isip ko dati, mawala na ang lahat basta hindi ang kahit sino sa pamilya ko. but still, it happened. wala na akong energy para ituloy ang buhay. parang wala na kasing saysay, pero naisip ko, i must be strong for my mom and siblings.

difficult things come into our life, pero with faith, siguro gagaan iyan.

take time to heal.

babalik na ako sa paniniwala sa diyos. pakiramdam ko magkakaroon ng direksyon ito sa pagbabalik loob.

sana you'll be better soon. i'll give you a hug when i see you.

take care. i am just a message away, i sent you a yahoo message, hope you got it.

cedeux said...

@carl - i'm ok now. things really happen for a reason, naniniwala ako dun. pero it's unclear for me now. i'm praying it will be soon. marami na kong nasayang na oras.

they said i'm still young and can cope to tje time that i lost pero di lang un. nahihiya na rin ako sa parents ko.

i hope you'll be ok. your dad is included in my prayers. ingats ka plagi and be strong. that's what your dad wants for sure.

RoRo said...

tsk, tsk, tsk. that would be really hard.

let's just keep on moving.

we all do have our own melancholies in life.

\m/ (o-0) \m/

chase / chubz said...

cheer up buddy!

Ely said...

blogging is indeed therapeutic. you can vent it all out here. At kahit simpleng advice lang from a fellow blogger, nakakadagdag lakas na. But in the end, kaw pa rin magdedecide...

Cheer up! Ganda daw sa Bicol ah. A vacation may help.

acey said...

awww. come here, lemme give you a hug. everything's gonna be all right, bro. be strong!! =D

cedeux said...

@chase - salamat po ng marami=]

@ely - sana nga matuloy ako sa bicol. salamat din sa pagdalaw=]

@acey - awww... thanks thanks=]

ruff nurse-du-jour said...

things happen for a reason, cedeux. if there's one thing that i have learned about dealing with these issues, don't let those negative vibes ruin your positivity.


coldman said...

cheer up bro!

Just think of what went wrong and find the answer.

Sabi nga nila, kaya mo yan kid!

Anonymous said...

hey bro, i hope ur ok. :D

Camille said...

ei ced.. im not really that good in giving advices.. i know how difficult it is to be in that situation.. i have friends who are also in the same situation.. i myself has lots of problems of my own..

just remember that you are never alone.. a lot of people.. people like you and me, are encountering different problems everyday.. its either u give up, go some place else or u stay and keep on fighting..

what do u really want? thats the question..

when there are times that i feel like giving up, i just remember that time..there was this one night after i graduated from hs..i only applied for this school but then when i was interviewed, i was told that it would be better if i apply to another school.. i had a grade of C in math.. ;p i was really afraid that time. believe it or not.. i prayed so hard back then.. thats when i asked god to let me get into that school..i have my dreams.. all i need is a chance..i asked him that ill do anythin..ill never give up. so i passed to both courses.. i finished college and im now in medschool also.. i always remember that time everytime the going gets tough.. long story, eh? i know we dont know each other that well, but anyways u can talk to me. :)

lunes said...

oi oi ced..dami mo ng nakuhang advices..hmm..

nakiraan lang para icheck kung okie na uli??...

my-so-called-Quest said...

@nurse ruff - its good to hear you're back. salamat sa muling pagdaan=]

@kuya coldman - salamat sa pagdaan at lam ko lagi kang nandyan=]

my-so-called-Quest said...

@kuya kuri - congrats ulit kuya ha. slamat po ng marami=]

@doc cams - wow. i really like what you said. salamat ng marami.its nice to hear from you. alam mo naman ung pinagdadaanan natin.

tnx po ulit=]

my-so-called-Quest said...

@lunes - salamat aleli. pagdaan mo plang happy na ko=]

@roro - salamat sa pagdaan bro. ingats ka plagi=]