Some say the older you get the wiser you are. That’s true because most of them first handedly experienced things and learned from them. For the past few months I was in verge of quitting my ambition of becoming a physician. I was ready to give up on it, both my hands loosens its grasp to it. Due to neglecting my responsibility as a student and continuously doing things then expecting different results from it, I was almost booted out of school. I know and I’m not proud of it. But there were times that I’m out of focused and questioned my viewpoint if I still wanted this. I guess this is worth the share.
There were times that I was alone and reflected on things but still couldn’t find what I really wanted and my questions were still not answered. Sometimes, I was thinking if ever I’m not continuing this, where will I go? What will I do? What will happen to me? What will other say to me? Will I transfer to another school? There were times that the conscience effects like “this is for my family” or “this is for my high school retribution” were not affecting me. It doesn’t inspire me. The only person I blame for this is myself. The only reason this will all end was because of me.
Like what I told you before, though I’ve almost given up med school the only thing I really held in to is my Faith. I asked Him if this is all for me. I didn’t pray for second chances but I prayed that I can and must accept whatever the results will be. And if I really belonged here, I asked for courage that I can challenge myself for a change.
I talked to my parents my options and my plans. I also talked to my sister whose in NY and asked her details. My papers were almost complete. I was about to take a licensure exam for AMTs. I was just waiting for a green light and I’m good to go.
Mid afternoon last 20th I was staying then at my dorm room and a good friend SMSed me and she told me I passed. I effin pass! I was really surprised to that news. I repeatedly asked her to look up for my name in the bulletin board and if she’s sure. And to my disbelief I told her to stop making jokes. I told her something was troubling me. For a while I seated on the toilet bowl took a deep breath and cried. I’m not ashamed of that but I did. (I’m not doing any stinky business there that time ha!)
I may not be that old yet and I know sometimes I’m immature and may have some issues in decision making but all of the things that happened in the span of a year tells me I learned something from it. There are more worst things to come and with what I learned I must stay strong. I realized that when you are ready to move on and give up, sometimes there are just things that will hold you back. I’m not giving up this time and I’m sticking to my promise that it’s time for some changes. I’m staying where I belong.