Friday, October 31, 2008

What Really Happened

Some say the older you get the wiser you are. That’s true because most of them first handedly experienced things and learned from them. For the past few months I was in verge of quitting my ambition of becoming a physician. I was ready to give up on it, both my hands loosens its grasp to it. Due to neglecting my responsibility as a student and continuously doing things then expecting different results from it, I was almost booted out of school. I know and I’m not proud of it. But there were times that I’m out of focused and questioned my viewpoint if I still wanted this. I guess this is worth the share.

There were times that I was alone and reflected on things but still couldn’t find what I really wanted and my questions were still not answered. Sometimes, I was thinking if ever I’m not continuing this, where will I go? What will I do? What will happen to me? What will other say to me? Will I transfer to another school? There were times that the conscience effects like “this is for my family” or “this is for my high school retribution” were not affecting me. It doesn’t inspire me. The only person I blame for this is myself. The only reason this will all end was because of me.

Like what I told you before, though I’ve almost given up med school the only thing I really held in to is my Faith. I asked Him if this is all for me. I didn’t pray for second chances but I prayed that I can and must accept whatever the results will be. And if I really belonged here, I asked for courage that I can challenge myself for a change.

I talked to my parents my options and my plans. I also talked to my sister whose in NY and asked her details. My papers were almost complete. I was about to take a licensure exam for AMTs. I was just waiting for a green light and I’m good to go.
Mid afternoon last 20th I was staying then at my dorm room and a good friend SMSed me and she told me I passed. I effin pass! I was really surprised to that news. I repeatedly asked her to look up for my name in the bulletin board and if she’s sure. And to my disbelief I told her to stop making jokes. I told her something was troubling me. For a while I seated on the toilet bowl took a deep breath and cried. I’m not ashamed of that but I did. (I’m not doing any stinky business there that time ha!)

I may not be that old yet and I know sometimes I’m immature and may have some issues in decision making but all of the things that happened in the span of a year tells me I learned something from it. There are more worst things to come and with what I learned I must stay strong. I realized that when you are ready to move on and give up, sometimes there are just things that will hold you back. I’m not giving up this time and I’m sticking to my promise that it’s time for some changes. I’m staying where I belong.


White said...

hi doc ced. congratulations!

at times, we lose hope at what we do and what's happening with our life but let's remember that everything has a purpose of which our human mind could often not understand. and it's good that you clung to your faith and brought everything to God's care. after all, you have done everything you could.

your passing is a tipping point as i have realized with your post. i just hope it will all be for good.

"nasa diyos ang awa, nasa tao ang gawa."

ingat and god bless you!

happy halloween na rin! hehe

my-so-called-Quest said...

@kuya white - salamat po!
trick or treat?

Curbside Puppet said...

you also have to learn that life is also about compromising. so if things aren't really going our way, we should make alternate plans. tutal, bata ka pa naman.

i can see na gusto mo talaga maging doktor, and the fact that you sweat both blood and tears *figuratively* shows that.

di ka naman pababayaan. nandyan family mo, remember?

dak said...

ui! kudos!

it's a good omen...

keep it up!

MakMak said...

Yup, it's not yet time para magbakasyon tayo sa NJ. :P

Galingan parati. At wag magpa-distract.

gillboard said...

I guess this means congratulations are in order!!! Good job for you!!

Saan pakain?!


Congrats DOC JC! You've beaten another hurdle!

I admire you for your perseverance, and your maturity to accept anything.

Happy Weekend Doc.

acey said...

i am so happy for and proud of you, ced!!! :D

see, don't be too hard on yourself. :) maybe this is really meant for you. and you'ver grown so much after going through a lot, diba? :)

my-so-called-Quest said...

@curbside - yup nanjan naman sila palagi!

@dak - salamat=]

my-so-called-Quest said...

@kuya mak - salamat po ng madami! ayaw mo sa san jose muna tayo?

@gillboard - salamat ng madami=]

my-so-called-Quest said...

@kuya kris - salmat din po ng madami=]

@acey - yeah, i think i grew with what happened. madami pang darating pero alam ko kakayanin=]

Xtel said...

I can so relate to you. However, I think you're just on the right track. God bless you in everything! Hope to see you soon!

coldman said...

hang on there!

punta ka pa dito sa US!

lunes said...

congrats ced..

natutuwa ako saiyo, naapreciate mo ang down side of life. and alam mo na someday you'll be better because of some miserable experiences.

kaya mo yan. nangaling rin ako sa masasamang experiences: personal, family and career. Maraming negatibo. Pero ano pa nga ba, dayoff ko ngaun, relax.. past is past..

experiences are best teachers..

yeye said...

naku di ka pa nasanay sa feu..
madaming mga taong manloloko hahahahaha
tamang trip lang eh
ung tipong, ui magreremovals ka daw?
o kaya.."ui hanap ka ni dean..ganito anyan.....hahahaha"

congrats kuya.. u passed.:)
pa-frap ka naman jan hehehehe

my-so-called-Quest said...

@Xtel - miss ko na kayo sobra! one of the things kung bakit ako lumalaban is because of my friends! enkai, tel and joyce! thanks!

my-so-called-Quest said...

@kuyacoldman - libre mo po ba? huwaw! hehehe.
yaan mo kuya, sasabihn ko sau kung magbabakasyon na ko jan!=]

@aleli - yun siguro ung mga bagay na pagbinalikbalikan mo, maalala mo na naging malakas ka. kung mangyayari man ulit un, alam mo na siguro ang gagawin mas madali ng masusulyunan.

lahat naman ng bagay may 2 outcome. maganda o pangit. nasa sa atin na un panu natin maapreciate un!=]

my-so-called-Quest said...

@yeye - nako! hahha. hindi ko rin alam kung bakit kelan gusto ko na kumawala e ayun. ahaha

may utang pa ko sayong frap nga pala! belated!=]

Xtel said...

Hey! We miss you too!!!

siangelnawalangpakpak said...

every wanna-be doctor always passes that point wherein you wonder if you should even be in medical school, if it will all be even worth it, if you shouldn't just pack up yor books and do something else. it's normal. the thing is, we all go through that but only few will choose to believe that this is really where he/she should be.

congratulations. you're halfway there. just keep doing what you're doing: love the profession and know that God will always be behind you every step of the way.