Quest.

"Oh my God!"

Those were the first few words I shouted out yesterday after seeing my name on the list. After all the years of failures that i've been through  in med school i finally made it. In one take, I made it.

4 days, 12 subjects and in 3 months you have to remaster everything. You must know everything. And there were times that i really want to give up.

To the Big Guy Above. I thank You. I may not be the most religious person but You always have the best plans for me. I owe it all to You.

To my parents, for always being so supportive and loving despite all the disappointments. I was about to react when i heard them telling everyone i pass but i realized they deserve all the credits. A retired naval officer turned farmer and a retired elementary school teacher, I'm more proud of them and i hope all their efforts are paid off.

To my siblings whose always been there. I'm glad we all grew up supporting and encouraging each other. I rarely see them now but i'm so happy to have them.

To my friends. Who always believed and who stayed, let's push each other to greatness.

To my partner. I love you. You may not read this but, I want you to know how happy i am that you're here and i hope whatever our plans maybe, we'll always have each other.

There's still a lot in store for me like residency training, fellowship, and subspecialty. But this is one of the greatest achievements I have so far. And i will be forever thankful.

2.19 v 2.0

"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place."

- Kurt Vonnegut -

Kamusta naman kayo dyan? 
I miss writing so much.

Hopefully someday, i'll find time to write. 

Something that makes sense.

For the mean time, let's reflect on that quote. 




Ingat! 

It's the oldest story in the book...

"It's the oldest story in the book: One day you're 17 planning for someday then quietly without you ever really noticing, that someday is today. Then that someday is yesterday.. And this is your life."


this quote by my friend inspired me to write a little something. 


something that i can share, if ever someone's still reading this blog.


i can't really even remember my exact age when i started wanting to become a doctor. probably, growing up with people telling you "you should become one", set up my mind that i should really become one. 


74 days from now, my internship will end. i know, i still lack a lot of things and i will still learn a lot of things but from that quote, it inspired me to get there. i'll be able to do things that i've been dreaming to do. 






despite of all the things that happened 


and will happen... 




i will get there. : )

this is why you have to be thankful of your blessings...

one of the saddest things i witnessed today...



a mother in tears after loosing her unborn second child.  13 weeks old in her womb, a day after mother's day... aborted.




so before you start complaining of how your life didn't turn out as you expected, think how still fortunate you are.

les ondes...

je vous manques de si mauvais



mais,



cest pour le meilleur.

Eksena sa ER

akala ko di na ko maiiyak sa mga situation sa ER lalo na kapag may nag-aarrest. hindi naman sa sanay na ako,pero kailangan kasi na ipakita mo na walang bahid ng emotion lalo na kapag nagrerevive ng pasyente. nandun syempre ang concern at empathy pero ang main goal is to revive the patient.

hindi sa naiiyak ako dahil 3am na ako naglunch at nagdinner, tapos kinabukasan di pa nagbreakfast at lunch

hindi sa naiiyak ako dahil umabsent yung iba kong cointern at iniwan na magextend sa ER,

hindi rin dahil sa madaming utos ng mga residents na halos di mo alam kung sino uunahin,

hindi rin sa dahil sa drama ng mga nagpapamedico legal, nasampal ng kalive-in, nasipa ng kapitbahay, natusok ng barbeque stick sa tiyan ng kalaro. nabaril sa tuhod, nabalian ng buto, nasaksak sa likod, nabugbog ng mga tao dahil magnanakaw.

kung hindi sa isang lolo na nagpapahid ng luha habang nirerevive ko ang asawa nya. isang lolo na nagpupunas ng luha sa mata nya, naawa ako, hanggang ngayon kapag naiisip ko yun. naiiyak pa rin ngayon sa totoo lang. nakita ko kasi na mahal na mahal nya yung asawa nya, na hanggang sa huli nandun sya sa tabi. habang nagcCPR ako, tumulo talaga yung luha sa mata ko. ginawa naman namin lahat pero huli na rin nung dinala yung lola dun.

huli na...

naalala ko yung video na to mula sa isang paboritong pelikula ng Pixar na UP

2.19 Original Cynicisms

i told myself i won't talk about this anymore. but, probably we have our own ways of moving on.

it's been a year since it happened. but it feels like forever trying your best forgetting. it's true, we can forgive easily, but forgetting something is another story.

i used to think of the people that went through a bad breakup or had their hearts broken. i used to think they're pathetic, going through that emo-ish, helpless, no-one-can-understand me phase. until, you got through the same situation, i understood immediately how they felt.

when you reach a certain age, there comes a time you feel alone. yes, you have your set of friends but what i've been telling my friends is that you yearn for that someone who will be there, ready to listen to your stories even how clumsy and awful they were, that someone who will make you feel that  it's the best story they ever heard. someone who will make you feel important, special, loved and respected.

as year passed, still there are things i'm still trying to learn and live with. like learning how to say "No" cause being too nice is not that okay. learning that you won't find love in a snap and rush things and that it won't help you forget. that some people might take advantage of you, that might misinterpret your act of kindness. also, that i'm capable of hurting others as well, that i won't do the same thing that was done to me. and that trust cannot be easily given. lastly, going through depression is not a funny thing. still learning not to overthink.

despite of it, i learned to love and take care of myself. i concentrate so far with my work, and continue loving my profession. channeling my energy to what is opted and expected of me to do. it helps. it helps, to at least forget. maybe that's why i am not ready to commit to anyone right now. i need time.  and it made me a tad bit cynical and afraid to go through the same phase again. i learned that i can find happiness with work. thankful of my supportive friends and of my loving family. i learned that i can be happy again.

i'm still learning.

i'm still hoping.

and i'm still trying to forget.

but i know,  there will come a time, someone will kiss this cynicisms away

x's - i remember a year ago when a friend told me. "it's hard to stick to your decision of letting go and moving on, but remember to look back after a day or two how you managed to make it through. start thinking of what you sacrificed, you don't want to go back to square 1, and eventually you'll be okay"

je t'aime

yesterday was supposed to be an ordinary day. 

i still have a pending emo post. but, oh well. 

but love comes in different shapes and sizes.

and yesterday was not just an ordinary day for me.

and for my family.

cause now we welcome. Juaquin.: )

Surgery! Oh Surgery!

Today's my first day in surgery rotation and i was asked to scrub-in for a minor surgery.
The surgeon was conversing with me earlier regarding my last rotation, which was Pedia. At the minor OR she asked me what do i want to take as a specialization.

I paused for awhile, thinking hard what to answer.

At the back of my mind, i want to say Pedia.

But as you all know, my first option was Reconstructive Surgery. So, that's what i said.

I told her "I want to be Reconstructive Surgeon."

The Surgeon smiled.

and she said "you need to make a good impression to me then"

My face turned red. I didn't knew prior that she's a reconstructive surgeon.

After that, she's been teaching me a lot of stuff.



She had another minor OR and she specifically asked me to scrub-in. She even asked me to excise the epidermoid cyst.then stitch the wound together.

SWEET!

now i'm starting to get confused.

Pedia vs. Surgery

pwede naman both. Pediatric Surgeon. ehehe

2:14

It was a humid January afternoon and there were no patients in the Pediatric Emergency Room. Of course I was happy, aside from no kids were getting sick that day, I’m glad cause it’s another benign duty for  me. I was sitting comfortably in one of the benches chatting up with my resident on duty. She was telling me to already decide where I will take my Post-Grad Internship. I wanted to tell her that I’m still undecided... If I’ll stay or not.

Suddenly, a crying 19 year old mother came in, carrying her child. The 2 weeks old baby wrapped in a blanket was bluish in color, gasping for air, unresponsive to any stimuli but you can still hear a heartbeat... a very faint heartbeat. The child was intubated, ambubagging was done and 3 doses of epinephrine were given.  And at exactly 2:14pm, after all the medical intervention, the child finally gave in.

I wanted to cry. That was the first death I experienced as a physician. But I know it’s not the right place and right time to do that. I wanted to blame the parents for not bringing the child immediately but due to financial constraints you can’t really blame anyone.

After that, it rained hard outside.

Almost 2 months in Pediatrics made me realize things.

1.       I’m considering Pedia as a specialization. It never crossed my mind but I’m enjoying my rotation. I also didn’t think I could have good interaction with kids. Maybe as Pediatric Surgeon Pedia Neuro.

2.       I want to train in a public hospital. You will encounter all types of cases there. Learning is really very different from studying.

3.       I was really touched when one sick kid gave me a chocolate bar and said “kuya doc, para po sa inyo”

4.       Rotating in one of the busiest public hospital thought me how to be strict and “masungit.” One parent even told me, “doc, di bagay sayo magsungit” and one co-intern told me after scolding a parent “ced, nakakatakot ka pala pag nagagalit.” I told them “di naman talaga ako galit pero kailangan magsungit dahil hindi ka papakinggan ng iba kapag nagbabaitbaitan ka sa kanila. Para rin naman sa anak nila yun”

5.       I can go on 36 hours duty with only 1-2 hours of sleep. That’s how much I love my work.

6.       I can lose 10lbs in 2 weeks. Charge it on skipping meals or having late meals.

7.       I enjoy work when I’m with a resident who’s also as bubbly as me. Work is much lighter and easier when you’re comfortable.

8.       So far I have 5 mortalities. 2 Dengue Stage 4 and 3 premature babies. And I'll never forget each one of them.

9.       I lost any form of social life. From January 1-15 I wasn’t even able to contact some friends even contact my parents and say “nay, okay pa naman ako” at least I can tweet. ehehe

10.   Finally, I got sick. Being exposed to patients with different illness can make your immune system berserk. Even if I’m taking mega doses of Vitamin C. My body finally gave in. It started with Acute Tonsillopharingitis and now I have Acute Gastroenteritis. My friend told me my eyeballs are sunken and she advised admission. Of course, being the makulit me, I declined. I said I’d rather take Hydrite.

X’s - glad this blog is turning into the chronicles of my internship. Of course there’s still a little drama, but who wouldn’t want that. It’s a good thing I write about these things.

I Wrote a Story about You

♪Reflections of your love have come to wither, I thought I'd done my best to memorize♪

It was quarter past 3 in the morning; I woke up lying in my bed, half naked, curled, and hugging a pillow. I had a dream... it was one of those dreams that you were crying in it and suddenly you woke up, your eyes soaking in tears. And you can feel your pillow damped.

The dream goes by like snapshots, like those in movies, viewed in an LCD. 

The dream started exactly the same day today.  It’s that day I knew that from that day on, everything will change... From what I believed in, what I had been trying to prevent from happening. That day I never thought of the consequences, or of what might happen. Because in my point of view, it was pure bliss and it’s gonna be worth it. Cause I was at my happiest.

It happened mid-afternoon in one of the busiest malls in QC, where everyone’s hustling for post-Christmas and pre-New Year shopping. I was worried I won’t be able to catch your bus. And I wasn’t even able to change my shirt. I knew I was sweating like a pig before meeting you. I was very worried you’ll be disappointed. At the same time I was very excited cause finally, for the first time, we’ll meet.pa

Alas, the time had come. You told me you’re near; I was walking fast-phased in the overpass looking directly at the bus stop on the other side of the street, looking for someone wearing green. I was glad that I got there before you because it gave me time to wipe off some sweat in my forehead. I saw the bus nearing its stop; my heart’s beating fast that I can feel each pulsations in my throat. You stepped down and I recognized you immediately and I was smiling the whole time after seeing you. As you promised you were wearing your favourite shirt, you smiled back. I wanted to hug you that time. I offered to carry your bag but you declined. We talked on our way through the nearest mall and, there were no single awkward moments, no awkward silence. Everything went well. And i was comfortable.

We dined in one of the restaurant outside of that mall. You asked if we can eat something you don’t usually have. To be honest, I was so shy from you, making small glances at your eyes but most of the time on your lips. And your voice...

And then I woke up...

I woke up and wiped my eyes with a bedsheet. I told myself, it was all just a dream...

It was all just a dream...


♪A picture fades of you and I together, I haven't come to terms with how we said goodbye... Reflections of your love have come to wither... I thought I'd done my best to memorize♪

Magpe-Pedia ka ba?

♪You see the old way wasn’t working so it’s on us to do, what we gotta do, to survive♪

In a couple of weeks, sets another year… Another opportunity to start things in a clean slate, another opportunity to start over. It made me think what this year had thought me and changed me into. To be honest, I’m still the jolly person you’ll meet. Optimistic…Hopeful… But this time with a different perspective. I’ll admit, I used to think of the things that will only make me happy… You know? Those temporary highs.

So far I’ve been  enjoying every rotation in the hospital. Ophtha, ENT, Psych and now Pediatrics. I’m excited to learn new things, things that I only knew before because I only read about it. It’s really different when you can actually see those cases in person. Internship, so far, is teaching me how to be though in many ways. And aside from learning those medical cases, you also need to learn how to get along with your superiors and your co-interns. 

It feels good to somehow inspire a co-intern on how to have an organized mind, how to deal with pressure and how to manage being awake 36 hours with only 15 minutes of nap time. What inspire me are my patients. Seriously, all I wanted is them to be well and it feels great when you send them home feeling better. 2 weeks in Pediatric Service thought me a lot of things. It thought me how to be selfless and confident.  

A friend told me awhile ago, “how come you’re still energetic and high even though we only had an hour of sleep? How do you do that?”  I answered back with “I guess I enjoy what I do”  but i also wanted to add "i've been praying for a long time for this, to be finally busy"

x's - someone also asked me if i wanted to become a pediatrician. now that made me think hard...

Death And All His Friends

“A human life is made up of choices, live or die, that's the important choice and it's not always in our hands.”

In medicine, they say that a dying person has this specific aura, a specific scent. Death is common and a natural process for us; it’s inevitable however we’ll do our best to revive a dying person. We, as your doctors, are not gods.

In first year of medical school, we were introduced with death via cadaver. We studied every organ, every tissue every vein, every artery and every nerve with our cadaver. That’s our first taste of what death looks and feels like. In succeeding years we study the normal human process as well as the pathologic process of every disease. In third year, we study post mortem cases. And in every pathophysiology, what we try to figure out is how did this person die?

But death hits hard when it occurred to a loved one…

To my lola Inggay. I love you so much. I know you’re in a better place, a place with no suffering and pain. I know you’re with lolo iko and finally you’re together again. I’ll always pray for you as always, I’ll light a candle everytime I attend a novena or visited a church. And I will never forget the things you thought me. Mamimiss ko yung luto mong adobo sa atsuwete.

“In medical school, we have a hundred lessons that teach us how to fight off death, and not one lesson on how to go on living.”

It's Indeed Been a Crazy Month

Today’s the last day of my duty in National Center for Mental Health aka Mental Hospital in Mandaluyong, also the end of my first 2 months as a Medical Clerk. In all honesty I wasn’t prepared for what’s gonna happen with me there. Like every Clerk that rotates there our motto is “bahala na si batman sa akin dun”

With 36 hours duty every 3 days, psychiatric patients are the most stressful patients I had so far. The fear that they might hurt you or do something to you is the first thing that will come up to your mind when you interview and examine them. But alas, as days pass, I learn that they are the most interesting patients I had.

Here’s what I learn from them and with my rotation

1.  On my first duty, I was startled when an 18 year old girl patient hugged me while examining another patient. I wasn’t aware that she was behind me. I commanded her to sit in her bed and told her relative to look after her. But I had palpitations right then and then and feels like litters of blood was drained in my system.

2.   Another one in my first duty, a restrained patient was asleep and I was about to get his BP, silently and with caution of not waking him up, I placed the cuff in his arm. And then again I was startled when he suddenly shouts and held my pants.

3.   There’s a big misconception about Schizophrenia. The term is misused most of the time and it’s stigmatizing.

4.  Psychotics are person who’s not aware or disconnected with reality while Neurotic people are the opposite.

5.  I read some cases, and BULLYING is indeed one of the causes of psychiatric disorder. From schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and of course depression. So be careful and watch your mouth when you talk about someone.

6.  Failed relationships are also sometimes the cause of the above mentioned psychiatric disorders. Also being alone and secluding yourself from others is a big factor.

7.    ECTs or Electroconvulsive therapy is surely effective to some patients but for me it’s very inhumane. This procedure is done by inducing your patients in convulsion with micro doses of electricity. A probe is placed in either side of the temporal part of your head.

8.       A very good support from family and friends will prevent these things from happening. These disorders are sometimes preventable.

9.    The above experiences made me paranoid for days, seriously. And I’m glad I have good friends as my safety net. But one friend told me I need to be demedicalize so that I won’t get too attached with my patients. Psych patients are draining, physically, intellectually and yes, emotionally.

10.   I was assigned in Pavilion 1. If you’ll see their condition there, they look helpless and I wonder if they’re really gonna get well. They share toothbrush, lay in cold stone floor and what looks like a prison cell. And please don’t ask me how it smells. They have skin disease from insect bites. They also share slippers which they only use when they need to go out when being examined or when their relatives visit them. I’d like to do a fund-raising for them and donate some toothbrush, bath soaps or slippers. I’d like to ask some of you for help but I’m still wondering when and how to do this. I might do it this coming December. I don’t want issues as well, cause I might hear the reason why I’m doing this to get something in return from my residents for personal interest that’s why I planned doing it right after I submitted my clearance. If you’re interested. You know how to contact me. : )

Now i’m preparing for my 2 months rotation in Pediatrics. Wish me luck! :D

The Eternal Optimist

If I’ll be asked what lesson I won’t forget from any of my professor is that of my Philosophy Teacher, Sir Lucero, I remember he told us that to be of a great man, you should at least accomplish 3 things in life. One is to plant a tree, second is to write a book and lastly to have and raise a child. I’ve only accomplished the first one and that is to plant a tree and if you can equate blogging as writing a book then that makes it two. The last one’s uncertain yet.

But as I grew older and a bit wiser, I learned that there are far better than the 3 things above. Life is a constant change as they say. But in reality people don’t really change, circumstances do. And that’s the important thing I guess. You live and learn. As we go through life, for me there are three important things we at least experienced or learn.

The first thing is… to love. It’s easier said than done but what I meant is to love without asking anything in return. To love without limits, to show that person how important they are and that they are worth fighting for. To be devoted. To have this something so wonderful and sacred, that you’re so afraid someone will take it away. Something that makes you feel like you’re soaring, makes you feel worth all the trouble.

The second thing is… to be loved. To be loved without asking that someone to fall for you in return and not even pleading to them to reciprocate. Simple things that will swept you off your feet, like “how was your day?” or teaching you new things, telling you that how wonderful this life can be. To be loved by someone as whom you are, appreciating you and the small things that you do, telling you how worthy of their time you are, making you feel you're the most important person in the world.

The third and last thing is… to move forward. Now this can be of two directions. One is to move ahead with that someone, taking those small steps of changes which will be good for both of you and second one speaks of moving forward, when things didn’t work as you wished it could be.

Life will always give us choices and options. What we need to do is choose what’s best for us. We may fail and fall but again, life will give you another set of choices and options.

It’s been a year since I came back to blogging. At that moment I told myself I was ready to learn. I was ready to find out what this world has to offer, that I’m willing to learn a thing or two about this world. But what I learned and found out is myself, what I am capable of and what I can offer. I met great and not so great people but life happens and sometimes we drift. I learned to love, be loved and hurt and hopefully move forward, because that’s what life is.

……………………………………………

We may not see each other again but I want to tell you that I don’t regret anything and that I still love you despite everything. I'll keep every memories here in my head and in my heart just in case. When I’ll be in that better place after all of these, I’ll think and be happy of what I became because of you. I’m sorry I can’t keep my promise of staying, but I have to decide for myself as well. It doesn’t mean that I won’t care for you anymore, but I figured it’s the best for both of us. I have to be thankful, that once, our paths had crossed each other, and I hope you learned a lot from me as I am to you. I wish you well.

Press Play

I had a dream… I was walking in a dark tunnel, my right hand was touching the walls of it as a guide. I was waiting and praying to see any sign that I’m almost on the end so I can go out. Until, I heard footsteps that came nearer and nearer. The voice asked me if I was lost too, I said yes. At that moment I was glad that at least I’ll have some company as we look for the tunnel’s end. Bravery and courage quickly replaced doubt and fear. For the first time, the tunnel doesn’t seem too scary at all.

After uncounted hours and several steps made, I heard another voice, echoing inside the tunnel, another footsteps hustling towards us. I heard the first voice said “hey, that voice sounds familiar” and he came running towards that second voice, opposite of our direction. He was running so fast that I have to catch up. I thought I lost track of them until, I heard laughter… joyous laughter. I can still hear them running towards the opposite direction. Right then, I decided to stop running. It made me realize, I was chasing them but no one’s chasing after me. I stopped running, lowered my head, placed both of my hands on my lap and I was panting heavily… I was sweating so much that I didn’t even notice that I was crying. I decided I have to find the tunnel’s end, took a deep breath and started walking towards the original direction we’re supposed to be going.

I woke up, the sunlight hitting my face. I checked my phone, took a deep breath; it was 5:49 in the morning. It’s only been 3 hours since I dozed off. I stood up, went straight to the restroom and stared for the longest time in the bathroom mirror.

I'm feeling kind of fragile and I've got a lot to handle but I guess this is my way of saying goodbye ♪♫

The Untold Story

It was one of those ordinary lunch break, I was sitting on a bench under the Talisay tree near my class room. I just ate my baon then, a sandwich and juice which I prepared earlier before going to my 7am class. I was a newcomer then from an Elementary Public School, wearing a pair of tattered shoes and a hand-hand-me-down uniform from one of my siblings who earlier attended the same Private Catholic School. I made a few friends then but none of them stayed for lunch. Then there was this group of sophomore boys who walks closer to my spot. One of them asked me why don’t I have any company. That’s all I could remember but there were series of laughter and snickering after that. I can’t recall much but that time I wished I was out of that situation. I prayed that it would stop. I wished, I have a company that time. I wished I didn’t attend that day’s class and just stayed at home. I have to control my tears then cause I know it will show the sign that I am weak. The bell rang and I knew it will not stop there.

…………………………………….

I was sweating much at that time. Still in first year, I was panicking that I can’t find my school ID. I traced every steps I made and rooms that I visited. The Library, The Cafeteria, our classroom, Computer Lab, everything. The last place I haven’t checked yet was the boy’s restroom near the Principal’s office. I have a strong feeling it could be there. I was correct. I saw my ID floating in one of the toilet bowl. I have an idea who did that but my instinct of not telling it to anyone not even the principal prevailed since it was my responsibility why I lost it. As an instinct of a public school kid, I grabbed the nearest stick, and tried to pick up the ID, I don’t know if I’ll be happy and thank that the last person who used the cubicle, since he flushed the toilet. I washed my id and my hands while I cried.

……………………………………

The torture ended up when I got in 2^nd year High School. There were still few things I can’t forget, and the humiliation didn’t stop there. One of my classmates laughed at me and I’m still wondering now if I ever said something stupid when she asked me where I live.

It was a wash day that day, the time where the cool kids were able to brag their new clothes. I on the other hand was wearing something borrowed from my older sibs. I don’t mind to be honest. But one classmate looked at me from head to toe and asked me what was I wearing. I couldn’t answer her and she said, “for sure sa palengke mo yan nabili”. I just smiled.

………………………………………

I was trying to console two friends who went through a fight then. You know high school is full of click drama. It was actually a big fight from the two of them. But since they were two of my closest friends, I tried so hard not to pick a side. One of them blurted, “Why are you taking her side? Did you know how mean she is? She made a list of all boys in the class room. From the ugliest to the cutest, you ranked 2^nd.” To be honest, it’ll be funny if it came from someone else. But that coming from someone you considered a friend for four years. I just hope it was said to me by my face. I know how I look like and it wouldn’t be that of a big deal.

………………………………………

I wrote this not because I want you to pity me. And not because i dwell so much in the past. High School ended 10 years ago, seriously, I can now laugh with some of the things that happened before. But it’s true what they say, “Who are we then, greatly affects who are we now.” Self-esteemed shattered, maybe that's why, sometimes i'm greatly affected of what others will say about me. Also I’m tired of being ganged up, laughed at and hearing things. Some people will claim they know you, but the truth is they don’t. You may know few things but you don’t know what I’ve been through.

What happened to me gave me a soft spot to those who are constantly being bullied and ganged up. Now, I'm not washing my hands here cause i know there were instances i bullied someone but at least i know my limits and we'll laughed about it in the end.

I’m tired of fitting in, asking myself where I belong. I’m tired of pleasing everyone. And I’m tired of people making claims about this and that. That's why we don't make assumptions of someone based on just what you heard or read. Maybe that’s why I have few close friends and I prefer having few than a bunch of negative people. I believe some of us never really got out of high school. It's either we honed that good attitude or make those ugly things as our inspiration to move forward. The difference now is, even when I'm alone, I’m much more confident, much smarter and more stronger.

Medicine is Might

As doctors, before we make a diagnosis we gather all the facts.

We take your history; ask you what happened from the start. We ask you to narrate. We keep you on tract with your details in case you have segues and telling stories not related with you disease. We perform physical exam in each complain you said; we look, we touch, we use our senses. We use stethoscopes and equipments that will aid us. We review both your History and PE before we make conclusions. If we’re not sure we indicate “to consider” or “to suggest”.

We don’t make half-baked conclusions.

We don’t make Biased assumptions.

We don’t speculate.

Why? Because we may give you a wrong impression followed by a wrong management. It will ruin our career, our credibility.

It’s a process…

In every patient…

In every case…

............................................

I'm Back.

New Semester.

New Ced.

Play : Dan Black - U + Me =

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Written last February 17, 2011

9:51:20 PM

I stared to the mirror for the longest time and looked at my own reflection.

I asked myself of who I’ve become...

I asked myself what I’ve become...

We adapt ourselves with all of these. Accustom to things that we weren’t used to do. Planned things that will be good for you and your special someone…

You have a different perspective… A different attitude.

You were completely changed from what you used to believe, because as you move forward with one hand with that person, you have this beautiful and perfect mindset.

It made me think, who was I before this?

What I’ve been doing then?

And I try to comprehend; will we be able to go back to what we used to be?

What i used to be...

Or will we be able to move forward equipped with new perspective?

Or move forward to a new me...

I can’t even recall what I really want before.

I can’t even recall what my plans with my life before.

I can’t even recall what my life could have been if I didn’t met you.

But…

I can recall that I didn’t have any directions then.

I can recall the things that I did and they made me realize how important having you now and to treasure the time we’re together.

I can recall just wishing to be somewhere else and how much time I wasted before we met.

All of these were changed because of you, as they say relationships makes the best out of us. We take a leap for what is best for us. You, changed me to be the best that i can.

I stared to the mirror for the longest time and my reflection told me that…

I’m still learning a lot.

And there are no regrets, I tell you. So don’t worry about me... Don't ever worry about me.

But let me worry about you. Let me worry when your alone and lonely. Let me worry when you're feeling sick, Let me worry when you're doubtful. Let me look after you when you're asleep.

'Twas an everyday risk.

But...

There are no regrets, Just Love.

March 17, 2011

12:00AM

26...

is est terminus quest.

ego mos diligo vos pro totus of meus vita.

satus per diligo, terminus per diligo

Rewind, Slow Motion then Pause

Every night I press rewind and play things in slow motion…

The day we met,

The way you look at me and me to you,

The way you smile and laugh,

The way you talk.

The first hug, the first kiss.

Pause...

Every night I press rewind and play things in slow motion….

Your head on my chest,

The scent of your hair,

The scent of your perfume,

Me kissing your forehead saying I love you and thank you,

Our hands intertwined together.

Pause...

Every night I press rewind and play things in slow motion….

Watching you asleep,

Thanking Him for bringing you here.

Putting my left ear where your heart is, listening as it beats.

Our little off-guard moments, just us, smiling and silently staring at each other.

Pause...

Every night I press rewind and play things in slow motion…

The time I held you so tight under the warm dim light,

Your head on my shoulder, my head leaning yours.

Bennett’s on the background singing:

“With each word your tenderness grows,
tearing my fear apart...
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
it touches my foolish heart.”

I closed my eyes and silently prayed, please don't let this end.

Pause...

Every night I press rewind and play things in slow motion…

In my mind and in my heart, these things will never be erased or forgotten

And I want to tell you, how I badly want to press fast forward.

And see you and me together again in the near future.

You and Me, Just Us Two.

Something New, Something Old. Press Play Then Next

In the light of the celebration of Vday, I’ll post some music to set you all in the mood. Hehehe

Well, these are some songs that you can use or listen just for fun. It can be stimulating or do the opposite to you. So kayo na ang bahala. haha

So enjoy the Valentines version of Something New, Something Old.

Sexual Capacity by Color Me Badd

“I never knew someone like you would come my way.
To tell the truth, I can't help but be a little afraid
I think your love might be a little too much for me.”

*I first heard this song under the OST of the 1996 film Striptease starring Demi Moore. Though it didn’t made to the original cut for the OST, I remember its music video showing some clips from the said movie.

All The Things by Joe

“Nothin' can be sweeter than the sound of makin' love
Baby, when I start I just can't stop
I'll love you from the bottom to the top
Nothin' is forbidden when we touch”

*Just check out the beats and the lyrics of this song. Haha

Criminal by Fiona Apple

“Let me know the way
Before there's hell to pay
Give me room to lay the law and let me go
I've got to make a play”

*Like the second one, her voice matching the beats plus the video. Haha. I have a crush on her and seeing this vid didn’t even helped my…

Nice & Slow by Usher

“Now here we are
Drivin' round town
Contemplating where I'm gonna lay you down
Girl you got me sayin'
My, my, my
I wish that I Could pull over
And get this thing started right now
I wanna do something freaky to you baby”

*Now I know most of you know this one. Like me, the 90’s kids know this song by heart. Well not all but I remember seeing this video and singing along with it. Hehe and look a young Kimora Lee. lol

Honorable Mentions

Closer by Nine Inch Nails

Nobody by Keith Sweat

Bliss by Mariah Carey

Slow by Kylie Monogue

Butterflies by Michael Jackson

X's - o mga kids, enjoy your date kung meron, kung wala, ganyan talaga, sanayan lang yan. haha. ako sanay na. Happy Valentines Day! :P