The "F" word

“It’s hard to separate to the stigma that you were called fat for a long time. Feels like you lived and breathed with it all through your life. And it seems like what you're doing now is still not enough.”

Naisip ko lang isulat yan nung isang araw and a good friend told me to stop contemplating and do something about it. Kesa sa magmukmok nga naman daw ako. Salamat sayo kaibigan. :D

Alam ko hindi instant magpapayat. At minsan nakakawala ng motivation. Lalo na ngayon magpapasko. Puro handaan. Hehehe

So ayun. I really need to concentrate sa work out. Para century tuna belly body na by March. Dahil dapat happy na birthday month pa. :P

And I need to concentrate on my studies. Exam week na, kaya hinay hinay na muna ko sa blog. May mga nakaautopost naman. I’ll revisit your blog na rin kung may time.

Going Serious

Anu nga ba ang pakahulugan ng iba sa atin sa edukasyon ngayon? Eto ba yung makipagkompitensya ka sa kaklase mo at itanong palagi ang kanyang score kahit hindi kayo close at pag nalaman mo na lamang sya sayo e madidissapoint ka. Eto ba yung paramihan ng nabasa? Eto ba yung palaging mataas ang nakukuha mo tuwing may exam at bibong bibo ka sa recitation?

High school pa lang ako nagbago na ang pananaw ko sa edukasyon. Essential tlaga naman natin syang masasabi upang mahangad mo ang iyong gustong propesyon. Pero simula ng tumungtong ako ng high school napansin ko na hindi ako nagiging masaya.

Opo, persistent honor student ako nuong elementary. Pagkauwi ng bahay, magagawa na ng assignment. At pagkatapos kumain ay magbabasa na muli. Hindi ako nagsasawa sa routine na yun hanggang makatungtong ng grade 6. Masasabi ko naman na napasaya ko ang magulang ko nung makatapos ako nuon. Ilang beses ba sila panhik panaog ng stage? Ilang math at history quiz bee na ba ang nasalihan nuon? Nga pala, sa public school ako galing.

Pero nuong lumipat ako ng paaralan para sa high school nagbago ang tingin ko sa pagaaral. Naisip ko nuon na kahit anung kasipag meron e kulang pa rin. Hindi sapat ang masabing pumapanhik ka ng stage at humahakot ng medalya. Hindi sapat ang magbasa ng magbasa. Bakit? Kasi lagi ka lang ikukumpara. Pagpasok ko pa lang sa private school na yon para kumuha ng entrance exam ay kinausap agad ako ng principal na dapat mas magaling ako sa mga kapatid ko. Hindi naman ako galit o may tampo sa aking mga kapatid sa katunayan, tinitingala ko sila. Maganda ang kinalabasan ng kanilang napiling propesyon. Pero hindi mawawala lalo na ang mga kamag anak mo na wala ng ginawa kundi pagkumaprahin kayong magkakapatid. Yung mga kamag anak mo na masaya sa ganung gawain pero mga sariling anak e hindi maalagaan. Bilang bata nuon, natural na maapektuhan ka. Hindi siguro ganung kaliwanag sayo ang ganung sitwasyon pero alam mo naman na may mali. May kulang…

Duon nagloko ako sa pagaaral. Wala akong ginawa kungdi magbulakbol, mga assignment na hindi ginagawa o last minute, mga project na hinahayaan na lng kung ano ang makuha. Hindi ko kinakahiya na palagi akong lowest sa mga exam nuon o minsan e nangangamote. muntik pa nga ko maalis sa model section gawa ng kapabayaan. Lahat naman ng iyon e pinagsisihan ko na. nakatapos naman ako ng maayos. Mas maganda na nga ata na nuong high school ko lahat iyon naranasan, kesa naman ngaun hindi ba?

Nung nasa kolehiyo na ako, dahil gusto ko ang kurso na aking nakuha, pinagigihan ko talaga ang aral. Muli napasaya ko ang magulang ko at pumanhik ulit sila sa stage. Naisip ko na wala naman iyon sa eskuwelahan na pinasukan mo, nasa estudyante pa rin naman kung pano nya madadala ang sarili nya. Hindi kilala ang aking kolehiyo pero proud ako. Success din naman ako sa licensure exam. Take 1 at happyng happy!

Hindi naging madali ang lahat nung nag medisina ako. Alam ko naman na mahirap pero dito ko masasabi na masusubukan ang pasensya ko at lakas ng loob. Pano mo haharapin at tatanggapin ang panunuri ng kapwa mo estudyante at maging guro mo. Post grad course ka na pero ang trato sayo parang balik high school. Meron namang mga nakaksundo at napapadali at napapasaya ang araw mo kahit papano. Dito ko masasabi na sobrang pressured ako. Sobrang dami ng gawa. Pero kapag may vacant time naman ako e tinatapos ko na ang dapat kong tapusin.

Madalas kasi kapag nasa dorm ako, nagpapahinga muna ko. Pero madaling araw talaga ako nagbabasa.

Eto lang, ayaw ko sa mapanuri ng taktika ko sa aral. Duon ako sanay at duon ako kumportable. Masasabi ko ang pagaaral e walang pinipiling oras pero mas maganda magaral sa oras at lugar na kumportable ka. Yung madali mong maabsorb ang binabasa mo.

Naisip kong isulat ang post na to dahil napag isip isip ko ang mga bagay na ito.

Una, nuong bata tayo ang dahilan natin sa pagaaral ay ang ating mga magulang pano natin sila mapapasaya pero habang lumalaki ka na ginagawa mo na iyon para sa sarili mo at para sa future mo. Masasabi mo na may porsyento pa para sa magulang mo pero mas lamang ang para sa sarili mo. Opinyon ko lamang ito ha!

Pangalawa, sa panahon ngayon lalo na sa medisina, hindi lang basehan ang pagiging matalino sa exam at makakuha ng mataas na grado. Matalino ka nga e kung saksakan naman ng pangit ang ugali mo. Ayaw mong mag ward at ayaw mo makisimpatya sa pasyente e sayang lahat ng inaral mo. Sino gagamutin mo? Sarili mo? Puhhhleeeaasseee!!! Di rin mahalaga kung ilang beses mo inulit ang isang subject. Dahil hindi naman sukatan ng pagkatao kung ganu ka kahina o hindi mo makuha ng isang bes ang isang subject. Iyon ay kung panu mo hinarap ang pagsubok na umulit at masabing kinaya mo at pinaghirapan mong ipasa.

Pangatlo, wag mong gawing rason sa pagaaral ang makipagkompitensya, ewan ko lang sa iba pero talamak kasi dito yan. Ewan ko ba kung ano napapala nila?

Panghuli kaya ko napost eto ay dahil maghahahiatus muna ko. Malapit na major exam at pinapatago ko kay cath ang aking net connection.

2 weeks…

No blog and No YM…

Kaya nyo ba ko maantay?

Siguro naman hindi ba? Hehe

Pwede nyo pa naman ako macontact. Dun lang sa nakakaalam ng cp number ko. Hehehe =p

TOXIC!

For the past week, I never really had anything to post.

Maybe I was thinking a lot of things and ideas to write but it was vague for me as I went through it. Maybe it doesn’t make any sense or maybe it does that I don’t want to share it. Yes, a lot of things bother me lately. Personal issues I want to solve as soon as possible. I don’t want it to become bigger as my exams are few weeks approaching. To be exact, I have 3 more weeks.

Do you also have a Last name that starts with the letter “A”? It sucks right?! First to do a report, first to have practical demonstration, first to be called in your case presentation, to be assigned in a terror professor, and it sucks big time if you’re first to be called in the attendance list and since they held you a little longer earlier before lunch you have to cut your meal shorter and if you missed your name being called you’re late. Did I tell you they come earlier than 1pm?

It’s been a week and I’m already whining! I already finished my first report in one of my subjects. Sadly I over prepared and was only asked few questions, they say it’s good to expect the worst so it’s ok for me. I also prepared that night my CPC, a case presentation. I have my other report next Monday for one of my subjects. Every week we have a Shifting or Plating exams every Monday, Tuesday and Friday Lunch time. I have piles of books to read as well. Hay! I complain too much but soon it occurred to me I still have time to blog. Hehehe!

What really took my attention is my own diet. I don’t eat rice and people were so shocked to see that. What I don’t like is when you were eating a lot and gaining a lot they say things, when you go on a diet they say MORE things. It’s hard when you have a Ping-Pong weight. But I realize I’m not doing this for them. I’m not doing this to be liked or to please them. But what I need is some motivation and encouragement. This applies not only on dieting but if you were in a situation that people sees you negatively if you’re making a choice or thorn between two situations. Just do what you think is good for you.

And to you, I know you’re busier than me. We have different schedules, different subjects and on a different year. As much as I want to say this personally but I can’t. Maybe it’s just me…

And That’s All There Is

After 54 days, 2 fictional books, 1 pathology book, 68 hours of exercise, 2 apple/mango shakes per week, 6 weeks of no rice, 3 weeks of no load, 16 hours per day of internet and 16 blog posts, my summer vacation is officially over.

I would like to thank my parents for paying our escalating electric bill for April and May (after I move back to the dorm for sure it will drop to 45%). I would also like to thank the component for playing my favorite music 24/7. Also I thank Globe Internet services though I’m registered in QC, I can bring the connection here in Cavite and also even if I still have my unpaid balance, it still works! Ang lakas ko tlaga sa Globe! Thank you for my dogs for setting my mood everyday and taking my stress away. (parang nanalo ako ng award ah!)

On a serious note, I thank you bloggers for making my vacation way better than last year. Even though I wasn’t able to spend outside the house this year, it was worth the stay. I really appreciate the times that we talk (teka kuha ako ng tissue) mostly listening to your stories and opinions.

Though I will blog less for 6 months, I will make sure I will pay a visit to your blog and I’ll make it up to you. It’s all about time management=]

I want to share the time table I made last night pero I changed my mind. Baka some of you will say how OC I am. Hehe

So wish me luck this semester and I hope to talk and hopefully SEE some of you=]

My Days Are Numbered

I only have 10 days left starting today. Another 10 months of less sleep, thousands of pages of books to read, gallons of coffee to drink, countless sheets of papers and patient’s history to pass and pens that I will lose, and tears that I will save for the end of each semester.

Unlike before I am less excited and that’s the sad truth. Why? I am not sure… you see I really want this. I cannot give up on this. For the last two months of staying inside the house I filled my thoughts with optimism. I am optimistic, sadly not that enthusiastic.

But I can say that I enjoyed my last two months. Talking to some of the co-bloggers, getting their opinions and making new friends were a great summer get away for me, way much better than a trip in Boracay. Though I know my mom will kill me due to our escalating bills. Hehehe!

I was back and forth to my dorm last week because I have to clean my room and check what I lack to make my stay there more comfortable. While cleaning, I paused for a while and looked at some pictures that I posted on my wall. I smiled a little, we were complete then.

10 more days to go; 10 days of online time, chatting and blogging left. What I really wanted to say is I’ll be spending little time here soon. If I really wanted to become what I really want then I have to make a choice. But that doesn’t mean I will neglect this blog and will not visit yours. It may not be as often but I promise I’ll do it every chance I will get.

To be honest it will be a challenge for me. I have to admit having my own lappie and internet was one of the wrong decisions I made so far. It really interrupted my studies and my concentration. But the risk was worth it. I learned a lot from you and most importantly I learned and accepted my mistakes and failures. I was still thinking of not bringing the lappie with me in my dorm but I realized it’s not what I needed to do. I need to have self control.

.........................................................

By the way, I watched Sex and the City last Friday. I was asked for the nth time if it’s worth the watch. I can’t say a thing aside from that the movie is made for the people who watched the series. It’s more of a closure to the character’s lives. I like Samantha. She’s so my Cougar! Hahaha!

“Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are” - Carrie Bradshaw

“That's the key to having it all: stop expecting it to look like what you thought it was going to look like. It's true of the fall lines, and it's true of relationships.” – Enid (Carrie’s Vogue Editor in Chief)

3 Exams Later... REPOST!

Yup, kakatapos lng ng 3rd exam ko kanina. For now, pahinga muna ko, konting unwind... Meron pa naman akong two days para sa exam ko sa Saturday (surgery B) at sa Monday (pharma A at derma). Sa totoo lang, feeling ko igang-iga na utak ko kaya ayun, san pa ba ko pumunta pagkatapos ng exam? Sa Trinoma! hehe

Nagpagupit na ko ulit, sabi nung stylist, "anong haircut mo ngaun?" sagot ko, "kaw na bahala..." hanggang dito ba naman pagiisipin pa ko, sa loob-loob ko, mamaya magpamultiple choice pa to or matching type! pacute din un e, pero magaling sya magupit! Vany ata name nya... sa Fix-trinoma. Promotion ito! lol Sa kanya lng naman ako lagi nagpapagupit, yung unang encounter ko kasi sa kanya, nahihilo sya... nagtatanong ng gamot na pwede inumin, (nainterview na nya kasi ako tungkol sa buhay buhay) sabi ko magpahinga muna sya.

Tapos nanuod ako ng sine... MAG-ISA! Opo, mag-isa. nage-emo na naman kasi ako. Pakiramdam ko nga habang papunta ako sa aking upuan, napakaLoser ko! hehe. Oks naman ung pinanuod ko. Secret na lng kung anu! hehe. Gusto nyo clue?

Yun kasi ginagawa ko pagkaexam, treat ko yung sarili ko o kaya regaluhan ko sarili ko, parang pampalubag loob ba! hehe. Reward yun for a job well done! Naks! Tsaka pwede rin syang motivation habang nagrereview, think of some activities na pwede mo gawin o bilhin pagkaexam. Para mainspire ka naman ng konti.

Habang nanunod ako nung sine, oks yung soundtrack neto. Madownload mamaya paguwi! hehe. whoooppss! Speaking of kanta at dahil nalalapit na ang araw ng mga puso... Nagisip ako ng 10 kanta na gusto ko na naayon sa tema n selebrasyon.

10. The Last Time – Eric Benet
9. Stigmatized – The Calling
8. At Your Best – Aaliyah
7. Everytime I Close my Eyes - Babyface
6. Always be my Baby – Mariah Carey
5. Forevermore – Side A
4. Overjoyed – Stevie Wonder
3. The Way You Look Tonight – Tony Bennett
2. One Sweet Day – Boyz II Men
1.1 I Can’t Make You Love Me – Bonnie Raitt

Pasensya na, Di ko kasi mahanap yung ibang kanta kaya yung number one lang nilagay ko. Play nyo lang ung nasa left side page element.

Dun sa mga nagpray para sakin, salamat po ng maraming marami! Gagalingan ko po talaga para libre tsek up kayu sakin, gusto ko nga lng magspecialize as OB-Gyne. Hehe.

Thanks po Ulit!=]

Arggghhh! bakit nakalimutan ko tong kantang to sa top 10?

This was originally sang by Billy Preston and Syreeta in 1981...

Pero i prefer this version...

Number 1.2... hehe

On Leave

I have to be on leave in blogging for a week guys and gals. Exam week na naman and I learned a lot from my past that using the net on exam week is not really helpful. So I’m keeping my laptop away with my net connection. I have to open those books, read those notes, scan those handouts, and make sure I’ll bring home the bacon for you guys!

I made a schedule, a tactic I used when I was a freshmen, which is very helpful… sana, it will work for me again. I easily get bored in one scheme, kaya if I used it already in one subject, there’s a tendency that it will not work for me on the next one. So, if there will be any disruption in my schedule… I know the consequences already.

Wish me luck guys and I will really appreciate your prayers.

But if I have a free time, I’ll visit your blogs pa rin naman=] At manunuod ako ng sine at maglalakwatsa after ng lahat ng ito!

I will act now. I will act now. I will act now. Henceforth, I will repeat these words each hour, each day, everyday, until the words become as much a habit as my breathing, and the action which follows becomes as instinctive as the blinking of my eyelids. With these words I can condition my mind to perform every action necessary for my success. I will act now. I will repeat these words again and again and again. I will walk where failures fear to walk. I will work when failures seek rest. I will act now for now is all I have. Tomorrow is the day reserved for the labor of the lazy. I am not lazy. Tomorrow is the day when the failure will succeed. I am not a failure. I will act now. Success will not wait. If I delay, success will become wed to another and lost to me forever. This is the time. This is the place. I am the person.

- Og Mandino