Case 11: Lola Ingay and Lola Ching

Spend the lunch today visiting my 2 lolas.

Natutuwa ako sa 2 lola kong to. Dahil kahit may katandaan na e malakas pa rin sila at makikita mo kapag holiday season na sobrang saya nila. Nakikita na kahit papano kumpleto ang pamilya.

Tradisyon na kasi namin na dumalaw sa kanilang dalawa sa unang araw ng taon. Una, si lola ingay, nanay ni tatay ko. Medyo may kahinaan na ang tenga pero mahilig syang magbiro. Mahilig din makipaglaro sa mga apo nya sa tuhod. Akalain mo dati rati kami ang inaalagaan nya pero ngayon yung mga anak na ng mga pinsan at kapatid ko ang nilalaro. natutuwa ako pag napagbabaliktad nya kami ng isa kong utol. nababaliktad nya ang pangalan namin. hehe

Si lola Ingay, 96 years old.

Pangalawa si Lola Ching, ang nanay ni nanay ko, dati nung bata pa ko medyo naiinis ako sa kanya kasi lagi nya kaming inuutusan. Taga hugas ng pinggan, taga luto, kung anu-ano pa. Lagi kaming nasa kusina (halata naman sa timbang namin) para magayos ngunit yung ibang pinsan ko e nasa harap ng tv, naglalaro ng kung anu-ano. Ngayon ko lang naisip ng tumanda na ko na malaki ang tiwala nya sa nanay ko at sa pamliya ko. Na kaya pala kami inuutusan nuon dahil alam nya na hindi sya mabibigo.

Si lola Ching, 93 years old.

Nagpapasalamat ako na binigyan pa sila ng isang taon pa at lagi kong hinihiling na sana maging maayos ang kalagayan nilang dalawa. Kahit na madalas ko silang biruin napamahal na ko sa dalawa kong lola. Malaki ang natulong nila para mapatapos kami sa pagaaral at hanggang ngayon e tumutulong pa rin sila. At humihingi ako ng marami pang taon para sa kanila. At sana Makita nila na nakatapos rin ako ng pagaaral.

Natuwa rin ako sa kanila dahil simple lang naman ang hiling nila. Yung makumpleto ang pamilya pag may simpleng pagtitipon.

The L Word

I was about to write a topic about this. But then, my screen went like that for a half an hour. They say when you write, you have to write what you know. And I’ll admit I’m still amateurish, hence the screen stares back at me, and probably asked me, “now what?”

But then I realize I know love, I felt what real love is. It’s a different kind of love, but this is the kind that I’m familiar with.

There is the kind of love that you get from your family. They’re the ones who know you inside out. Though sometimes you never tell them you love them, tell them most of your secrets, or hide something to them, you know that they’re right behind you. Accepts you, loves you. They’re the ones who are behind our success and our shoulder when you’re defeated. When my parents and my sibs went to US for a vacation (I know its short term), I realize how much I miss them especially when I’ll come home every weekend. I’ll just think that they deserve to enjoy and set aside their worries for awhile.

Another kind of love that I’m aware of is the one with my friends. Recently, one of my friends was accused and slammed with rumors here in school. The worst thing about that was aside that it’s a false accusation, the usage of derogatory words was unnecessary. As a friend I was hurt. Then I asked them, two of my closest friend to stay with me in my home last 2 weekends ago. And I realize that they’re like my sibling already. Whether we have different beliefs, grown from different cultures, different families we always have each other’s support. I may not be vocal about it but I love my friends, the ones that I keep are the ones that have a special place in my heart. Naks!

I tried to be domesticated as much as possible for them and cooked them meals. Hehe

beefsteak and stirred veggies

(i know from this pic mukang pusit ung steak!lol)

Tahong!

My take on Wicked Oreos! :D

unplanned swimming! hehe. Go team Samsung! hehe

Lastly, I may sound vain but we must love ourselves. However, not to the extent like Narcissus did. Hehe. But seriously, as what they say, learn to love yourself then you will learn to love others. There are different ways to do that. Again I’m not an expert. Eherm… hehe. Be optimistic at the same time, lessen your expectations. When people praise you for the good things and good deeds, appreciate them. When you fail, got shouted at, take that as a lesson and a positive thing. Also, take care of yourself, if you know you’re not allowed to drink or smoke, don’t! If you need exercise or rest, take some time. I don’t want to sound preachy but the only person that can help you is yourself.

Love may come in different forms, shapes and gender. But we must appreciate the littlest things. Because there will come a time, we will regret that we ignored or took advantage of them.

Little Wonders

Napansin ko medyo madrama mga recent posts ko. So para maiba naman, I have this picture posted in a nook here in my dorm room wall. A Photo with my lola when I was 2-3 years old, I think. To be honest wala ako masyadong maalala dyan. Haha!

My eldest brother saw this pic and asked me if he could borrow them. Sabi ko oks lang. sabi nya may kamukha daw ako nung bata!

And tama sya. My niece/inaanak looks like me. That’s good news! Hahaha

I love this little angel of ours. Kahit maldita yan minsan. Mana sa ninong nya. Hahaha. She laughs very loud. She easily learns new things. Tulad nung isang bes. May nahulog sya, I said lagot!!!! With matching hand gesture. A minute later ginagawa na nya. Hahaha. One time my brother, his dad, said “AHHHH” right after drinking a cold glass of water, she took her milk bottle and copied the same gesture. hahahah

Every week na umuuwi ako at nasa bahay yan. Nawawala agad stress ko. Ngiting ngiti yan pagpasok ko ng room nya at magpapakarga. At hulaan nyo kung sino tinuturo nyan pag sinabing nasan ang gwapo! wahahaha! pagbigyan nyo na ko. humble naman ako sa totoong buhay. :P

Halata bang gusto ko na din magkaanak? I always make a joke to my mom na, after ko makatapos ng Medisina, wala ng kasal kasal, Apo na agad! hehehe

Excited but Frightened...

I finally had it! After I emptied a bottle of cough syrup for the last week, I needed a physician’s advice and some antibiotics that will surely work. I visited a local clinic here in Cavite. Hehe! I’m kind of ok now. Anyway, that’s not what I’m posting today.

There were times before that I will think of someday, me and my siblings will move away from home. We will have our own jobs and will try to make a living. That there will come a time that we’ll have our own family; That we will visit home every weekend and have a small get together; That we will have our own traditions and changes that we will embrace.

I realized that what I was thinking then is fast approaching. Little changes that when I come to think of it is a piece of a puzzle of the future I though.

I am happy that these changes bring a huge amount of excitement to my family.

But at the same time, I’m a bit afraid that this change will take something in return.

I’ll make this short and sweet.

I will soon welcome a niece!

Twisted Thoughts of a Lost Boy

For the past few days I’ve been clearing my head of what happened to me. No matter what I do, negative thoughts keep on coming back to my head. Well, if your future is at stake why wouldn’t you? How insensitive and immature of you if you will not. I was thinking of having a vacation in Bicol with my friends or at least go somewhere else. But I’m feeling guilty of asking permission to my parents and I’m afraid, as always, they will not allow me to go.

I gave myself a deadline of what my plan will be. Will I move forward or will I step backward? Will I stay or should I go? If I make a decision, how will it affect me? How will it affect my family? My family’s been very wonderful to me. They told me they will support me no matter what. But still they want me to continue. That makes me feel guiltier.

I haven’t spoken to her either. I don’t know. I tried to contact her every miniscule amount of time I have. But I don’t get replies from her. I want to get mad since I’m going through a lot again, but I can’t. I really can’t. I want her to be part of my decision making. Her opinion really matters to me. But where is she? I hope what I’m thinking is not true. I need her now.

I’m here again at the bottom of the rollercoaster, I was once been here. But this time I wonder if I can move up. I wonder if this ride will move backward. I wonder if I can get out of this ride. I wonder if my time is up.

To my blogger friends, I want to thank you for being here with me. You were here when I needed to talk to someone and been here to listen. It wouldn’t be easier without you. So, thank you all.

Verdict

One of the most difficult task a doctor must do is when he will declare a prognosis or a diagnosis to a patient, especially when the findings are terminal or in a chronic state. But the most difficult of all is when the patient is your relative; much worst… you’re immediate family.

So far, one thing I learned here in school is to be… a toughie. Your professors will show dissatisfaction on your work, criticizing every bits and turns that you do and your mentors will mock you. I know it’s a part of the training, to become a five star physician. But in terms with your family, how can you not show a bit of emotion? How can you say an outcome without making you feel that you’re not giving a verdict to a person you grew up with?

A very good example is Dr. Cristina Yang of Grey’s Anatomy. (I’m not really a fan but I watched some episodes) I remember she ruthlessly delivered to a family that the corpse of a man will be used as an organ donor. She mentioned every single organ in front of the wife and the 5 year old daughter like, how about the heart… the liver… kidneys… the skin… Astonishingly, she delivered that.

I was told that in those instances, I have to treat my family as my patient. And when that time comes, I know that I have to be the strong one. That I have to exude some hope and strength, because I know, that it will be the only thing my family will hold on to. As of now, I have to train myself...

Revisiting a Graveyard…

Today I visited my Lolo’s grave. I know it’s a bit late, but I made this tradition of visiting the dead a day after, I started 2 years ago. Not trying to be a kill-joy here but aside from the cramped cemetery, the noise, and dating-scenario some people/teens are doing there, I decided to make a change. Wow, I sound like an old man, eh!

Seriously, I took advantage of the silence the place offered me. I lit a candle prayed and I talked to him like he was still here. First, I told him, “thank you”. I told him I am thankful that he gave me a dad who understands and even though we’re not that close, he knows what I’m going through, and that’s enough for me. And then I said “I’m sorry” that I failed, that I gave it a shot, that I tried. That I’m trying to be strong, that I’m not really afraid of what will happen if I fail and that I’m more afraid of failure itself.

I told him I made two great friends the past semester. One is been there since first year. The one who’s with me all the time when I shitted on all the things I did. That reminded me always that I will make it through, that I can stand up and dusk them off. That told me when I was broken into pieces that someone out there will soon pick them up for me, a piece of me as a lost puzzle, more genuine and more interesting, the one who will complete me. I told my Lolo that this friend is like a brother to me and will always have my infinite respect, as a friend and as a person who stands on what he believes.

The other one, is the one I didn’t expected to get along with. She’s “masungit” and all, but I saw her true self as time goes. She’s the type that you will defend when she’s bullied, a lil’ sister I never had. If you’re not close to her, and you tease her, it will backfire to you. But if you’re close to her and you tease her, she rather hurts herself, making scratches on her forearm. I know she cares for me and I really appreciate all the times we’re together. I told my Lolo of how she got through an accident and how she surpassed the trauma and pain it caused her.

I guess I never said thanks to both of them. I was not able to say sorry as well. And that they are one of the few reasons why did I still go to school at that time. I never told them of how much I will miss them both, that I will not be able to cook them pasta or share my peanutbutter-jello sandwich. I hope I made a mark on them as well and say that they made a difference on my perspective.

I also told my Lolo the condition of my family. The great incoming wedding, my sister working abroad and that she’s praying for him as well, my other brother who’s doing great, my 3 Labrador pups, my mom’s incoming retirement, my dad being hard-headed to have his bimonthly checkup and my-so-called quest.

I didn’t notice how time goes and how fast the candle melted, and its getting dark soon. I bid my farewell to my Lolo and told him I will see him on his birthday. I prayed again and as I set foot off the cemetery, I felt light inside and it was a release…

Let’s Celebrate!

Enough on the drama, today, my big brother is officially engaged. Sadly I can’t come to the celebration, you know the practice of “namumulong” at first I thought they literally have to whisper. Hehe! But it’s a practice that the family of the soon-to-be-groom will go to the house of the soon-to-be-bride. And they will discuss the arrangements and flow of the wedding.

Too bad my brother left some documents on our room and asked me if I can take snapshots and MMS that to him. It was the list of the entourage! I asked my mom if I couldn’t be part of it, before. I don’t really want to. I don’t want people staring at you while walking, I don’t like people asking how you’ve been, I don’t like prepping up and worrying what to wear. I don’t like to see some of my “plastic” relatives. I don’t want to look stupid. I just don’t!

But it came to me last night that, my brother chose me and trusted me. It’s kinda flattering. It’s not I don’t want him to get married or something. I used to hate him before. Not just because of our age gap (9 yrs) and you know, we can’t deny, our parents have favorites. But I don’t hate my parents for that. I just envy my brother that he doesn’t have to do any errands or doesn’t have to clean or wash the dishes, that he’s a stubborn. When I reached college, I realized that it’s a burden for the eldest, like my brother, that he had to help to pay the bills, look after us, and take care of us. That he was expected to do well, and expected to succeed.

My brother is a success, career wise, family wise, soon-to-be-wife wise. I’m happy he’s getting what he receives and to the things he’s about to receive. Me and her fiancé are a click as well. She really gets along with my family. Nga pla, everytime I visit them sa office, they gave me baon. Hehe. I just thought of how selfish I’ll be I will not be a part of it.

So, kuya, kahit nakakhiya, payag na ko mag groomsmen! Hehe. Kuya Jay and Ate Maui. Congrats! (gusto ko na rin magkapamangkin) hehe! Cheers!